Walk Away
by TamiTaylor
Summary: Derek's POV and feelings centering around Addison's affair.
1. There's nothing left to say

_'This is for your lonely nights when it's cold outside while the world dreams and you can't sleep. This is for all those nights when all you do is cry cause everything reminds you of me'_

Derek Shepherd remembered the night exactly the way it was, as if it had just taken place minutes ago. He remembered coming home late again from work, being completely and utterly exhausted from multiple back to back surgeries. The dark haired man had been hoping to surprise his wife and take her to dinner. Opening the door to the Manhattan apartment he shared with his wife of 11 years and noticing a familiar leather jacket on his staircase. Derek's heart stopped, fearing for what he would find as he continued up the stairs to locate his wife. Hoping deep down that he was merely going to find a sleeping Addison, until he noticed clothes scattered on varius places of the stairs and hallway leading to the doorway of their master bedroom. In that moment, Derek Shepherd knew what he had came home to, and what he was about to walk in on.

Seeing his wife in bed with his best friend, was the last thing that he had ever imagined. He trusted Addison. He trusted Mark. Or atleast he used to trust them. Derek was beyond furious, he was hurt, betrayed by the two most important people in his life. His wife, his best friend. He couldn't even begin to imagine how all of this came to be. How his best friend could betray him in such a way by sleeping with his wife, they were best friends, they were more than that - they were brothers. Derek wasn't sure who he was more angry with, Mark or Addison. No, both of them, they had both done the unforgivable. Mark had betrayed his brother and Addison had broken her vows to the person that she claimed was the love of her life. He was sick to his stomach.

After listening to Addison plead her case and begging for him to forgive her over and over again, reassuring him that it was just one time. Derek was still unable to speak, he was numb. He was hurt, he couldn't look at her without feeling sick. "We're Addison and Derek, we can get through this." Addison pleaded. "No, we're not Derek and Addison anymore, not since you decided to break your vows and screw my best friend." Derek growled, running his fingers through his hair and looking down at the floor. "Derek...it was one time. It just happened, I don't even know what I was thinking, I had...I had too much to drink at Bizzy's fundraiser tonight." Addison sobbed and Derek watched as his wife sat on the end of the staircase and continued to plead her case and justify her actions on why she had just bed his life long best friend. "It's YOUR fault, Addison. You knew exactly what you were doing when you let him take your clothes off. Don't push blame on the amount of alcohol you consumed." Derek growled again. "Derek, please." She pleaed again, he was beginning to drown her out. He was lost in a whirlwind of his own thoughts and emotions, which lead Derek Shepherd to do the one thing he knew he had to do. Leave."You stay, I'll leave and get my things tomorrow." He whispered lowly, placing his hand on the door knob to the front door, twisting it and opening the door and exiting the house, stepping out into the crisp New York early morning.

_'This is for your mornings when it's storming and raining and nothing goes as planned. And with every step alone you're stumbling, trembling. Who's gonna hold your hand? If she comes home, tell her that I moved away, tell her when she's alone there's nothing left to say.'_

When Derek returned to the brownstone the following day to retreive his belongings, Addison was no where to be found, she hadn't shown up at work and neither had Mark - which brought Derek to the conclusion that they were together. 'Typical.' Derek thought to himself as he packed his belongings into a few of his suitcases and glanced around the house for anything else that he would need. He was leaving, leaving Manhattan, leaving her, leaving their life together. Walking down the stairs and walking out the front door, making sure to leave his key on the table by the door - Derek Shepherd slipped into a cab and drove away from the Manhattan home. As the cab drove away and in the direction of the airport, Derek wasn't certain what would become of their marriage - if he could ever forgive her, if he'd even try to forgive her. All he knew was that he couldn't get over her betrayal in New York, not working at the same hospital everyday with her and Mark, and having to see the two of them interact. He needed to be in another state, another city where no one knew the troubles in his marriage.

She had been everything to him, the love of his life, he loved everything about Addison and loved everything that she made him. He was a better man because she was in his life. Now, when he thought of her - he saw red. Her red hair tangled in Mark's fists, her legs wrapped around his best friends waist - _his_ wife's body pressed up against Mark's. Her moaning his name when she should only be moaning her husband's name. Derek's fist clenched up as he replayed the horrific image from the night before over and over again in his brain. It was like a bad dream that he couldn't escape, the only issue was he could't escape it, this was wha this life was. His wife, his best friend, his entire life had been shattered - completely and totally ruined.

As the cab pulled up to the airport and Derek paid his cab fare, he stepped out and took his suitcases from the cab driver and turned to walk into JFK airport to check in for his flight. Derek Shepherd looked around at his surroundings one last time and sighed silently to himself before walking into airport to check in. He was leaving New York - unbeknown to his wife, he was going to be staying at a hotel for a little while until he cooled down or until they figured out what they were going to do. Derek had other plans, he was going to start fresh in a completely different city, and continue to live his life as if his life with Addison had never happened, hiding from the entire fact that she was the love of his life and she had no respect or disregard for their life together to think twice about what she had done again.

After checking in, and going through security, Derek grabbed a coffee before sitting at his terminal, Derek looks down at his blackberry - seeing several missed calls from Addison. He simply deletes the messages from her and shuts his cell phone off, slipping it back into his jacket pocket. Thumbing with his wedding ring, before slipping it off of his fingers and into his briefcase in his lap. As Derek boarded the flight and settled into his seat, he took one final glance out of the plane window and silently said good-bye to New York and his life in the city: ready to disappear away to Seattle, the place he would now call home and rebuild his life, away from Addison, away from their shambled marriage, the mistakes, the regret, the guilt, the affair, the betrayal.

_'I won't be waiting by the phone when your heart breaks, you can look wherever you'd like, you won't find me, won't find me. So, walk away, When you run, run as far as you can and when you walk away, I just want you to understand.'_


	2. This is not where it ends

_'Said goodbye, turned around and you were gone, gone, gone. Faded into the setting sun, slipped away but, I won't cry. Cause I know I'll never be lonely - for you are the stars to me, you are the light I follow.'_

It had been three whole months since Addison Montgomery had broke her vows and slept with her husbands best friend. She had never expected for Derek - to came home, nor had she ever expected to fall in love with the man who had been the best man in her wedding. She loved Derek, she was in love with Derek, the look on his face from that night was burned into her brain. It was an image that she saw at all hours of the day and night. She hurt him, in a way that she had always promised to never hurt him. Three months, that's how long it had been since she came home to find his things packed, his key on the table by the door. He was gone, he left her, he wasn't returning her emails or phone calls and just like that Addison knew that her marriage was ruined and it was all her fault.

It hadn't taken long for the redhead to find comfort in Mark's arms, after finding Derek's things packed, she packed her own things and went to stay with Mark - until she had the energy to face the facts. Derek wasn't coming back, he was never going to forgive her and she was never going to be given the chance to try and have him forgive her. It was over after 11 years of marriage and 15 years of being together - her seemingly happy marriage and life was crumbling all around her. As much as Addison tried to forget about everything and continue to live her life in New York - as if everything as still the same, when she would get home at night - that was the true test. Living with Mark, sleeping with Mark. It was different, she had never felt more loved by someone, Derek never felt the way Mark did about Addison.

It had been a sunny Tuesday morning, when Addison discovered that she was pregnant - already being late for work, the redhead discarded the positive test into the trash can and left the Manhattan apartment, making her way to work. She made a note to avoid Mark all day, not ready to face him until that night when she returned home. He was already waiting for her. He knew, she could tell that he knew, judging by the look on his face and his behavior. "Mark.." Addison whispered, sitting her things down by the door and stepping into the apartment, leaning against the doorframe. "When were you going to tell me that you were pregnant, Addison." He asked before she could say anything else, clearing her throat she sighed softly. "I just found out this morning. I was going to tell you tonight." She replied softly, lifting her head back up to look at him. She wasn't sure how she felt about any of this. She wanted a baby, but, she wanted a baby with Derek - not with Mark. Mark formed a smile across his face and walked closer to her, wrapping her into his arms - nuzzling his face into her red locks. "This is great news." He muttered into her hair, the two spent the rest of the night together, and Addison was forced to listen to Mark gush over their impending parenthood.

A month after Addison found out that she was pregnant, Mark seemed to have actually coming around and changing to be father material, even if the entire situation was beyond fucked up, to put it simply. She still wasn't thrilled about becoming a mother to Mark Sloan's child. She wasn't ready for that, she wanted Derek's baby - she wanted Derek to be there with her at the doctors appointments, the classes, the birth, the parenting, all of it. She wanted Derek to be the one by her side - helping her raise their child. It wasn't long before Addison heard about Mark and the many nurses that he had been sleeping with again, behind her back, all the while..promising her to be faithful, to be there for her and for the baby. It was all a sham, an act, a story, and a life that he would never be able to carry out in an honest manner. Mark Sloan was not father material.

It wasn't until Richard called asking for a consult and to inform her that Derek had been in Seattle this entire time and was dating an intern. A pain shot through her heart, he was moving on. He was dating someone ten years or more his senior - she was hurt, angry, and felt betrayed. Yet, oddly, felt like she deserved it after what she had done. Addison made the hardest decision of her life - while packing for her flight in Seattle, the redhead left Mark a note. 'Went to Seattle for a consult and to work things out with Derek...thanks for everything, you've been great, xox, Red PS: Return all the baby stuff, and don't buy anything else; you aren't ready for this type of responsibility.' sighing, contently once the note had been written and leaving in on the kitchen counter - the redhead walked away grabbing her suitcase and leaving the apartment and heading to the airport.

The flight to Seattle was long and exhausting. When she finally landed and made her way to the hospital, the redhead took note in how depressing and sad that the city look, very fitting to her current mood. She had left her lover, aborted their child, and flew all the way across the country to try and win her husband back from the woman he had left her for. Leaning back against the backseat of the cab, Addison closed her eyes for a moment or two, attempting to get some rest and to collect her thoughts. A million emotions were running through her body, she was nervous about what would happen when she came face to face with her estranged husband. Who still hadn't responded to her messages or phone calls, even the ones about her coming to Seattle for a consult. Sighing, when the cab stopped outside of the long double doors of Seatle Grace Hospital - Addison paid her fare and stepped out of the car. The heels of her shoes clacking against the ground - as she strided through the doors and into the warm hospital lobby.

Addison ran her hands slightly through her long curled locks, and glanced around her surroundings. Just as she is about to walk straight towards the elevator, she spots a familiar set of dark curly hair out to her right, turning her head to get a better look - there he was. Derek, her husband, the love of her life. Her heart began to hurt as she saw the dirty blonde slipping into her jacket with his help, next to him. Addison took a deep breath and glided over to the couple, clearing her throat - when Derek turns and his blue eyes meet her green orbs.

_'I'll see you again, oh - this is not where it ends. I will carry you with me, oh, till I see you again'_


	3. Passion only burns

_'When promises aren't kept, even Jesus wept. I know where you slept last night.'_

The second his bright blue eyes came in contact with hers, they turned dark. He wasn't sure what she was doing there and more importantly how Addison found out where he was to begin with. He was angry and he wanted to tell to leave but, he didn't. He stood there motionless unable to say or do anything. Finally, turning to Meredith and shaking his head looking down at the floor briefly before raising his head and looking her in the eyes. "Meredith, I am so sorry." Derek says and before both Derek and Meredith could say anything else - Addison interjects into the conversation and introduces herself to the slutty intern who had been screwing her husband for the past three months. "Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd." The redhead speaks shifting her weight and giving the dirty blonde a glare that if looks could kill - Meredith Grey's life would be in serious danger. "Shepherd?" She responds confused..causing Addison to smirk and shake her head before looking at Derek. "You didn't tell her? Nice..Derek." Derek holds his hand up to Addison and looks up at Meredith..clearing his throat.."She's..She's my" He stutters and stammers on his words and the proper way to break the news to Meredith that the bitch standing next to them was in fact his wife. "I'm his wife and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband." Addison states matter of factly, Addison watches as the color drains from Meredith's face and she gathers her things to leave. "I have to go." She whispers and takes off through the hospital and towards the double doors leaving Derek standing in front of Addison.

"What are you doing here Addison?" He asks, slipping his hands in the pocket of his jacket and glares at her. "Well, I guess you would know if you had bothered returning any one of my phone calls, Derek. You couldn't possibly think that you could avoid me forever, now could you?" She suggests and folds her arms across her chest, looking back up at him. He looked the same as she remembered, slightly sleep deprived but tired nonetheless. "Did you honestly think that moving across the country and striking up a relationship with that girl would make me go away? We are married, or have you conviently forgotten that - since you are obviously so busy screwing someone else." She spats, causing Derek to look up at her..."Don't you dare. Don't you dare make this about me and all MY fault. You are the one that decided that the vows we took didn't mean anything when you went and fucked my best friend in OUR bed, on my favorite sheets." He pauses and takes a step towards her. "You brought all of this upon yourself, Addison. All of this could have been avoided if you hadn't of bed Mark, and maybe our relationship would be a hell of a lot more stable than it is right now." Derek finished. He was furious, he had never been this angry with anyone in his entire life, she had killed everything that he had once thought was real.

A part of Derek wanted to leave and avoid her like the plague but another part of Derek was a little relieved to see her. Despite the horrible and awful thing that she had done to him - he still loved her. She was still his wife, after all. "I've already told you, I was sorry." Addison replied softly, pausing for a moment. "I don't know what else you want me to say or do to make you see that I am really sorry, for what I did and I fully deserve all of this." She finishes and Derek nods his head in agreement to what she says. Addison did deserve what she was getting from Derek now, hell, he should have divorced her on the spot. She slept with his best friend, he wasn't supposed to still this way about her. He wasn't supposed to have any sort of feelings for her, anymore. But, he did. Taking another step closer to her, Derek takes his hands in hers and laces their fingers together, looking into her eyes. "You are on probation. You have to earn my trust." He whispers lowly, releasing one of her hands from his grasp and reaching his free hand up to stroke her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Understood?" He says, firmly. "Yeah...sure." Addison stammers out.

She's shocked, completely shocked by his change in behavior. Addison doesn't know how to take it - or if this is just a sick joke that he is playing on her, but, she's a little impressed by the fact that he seems to want to work it out and give their marriage another try. Addison looks down at her hands when Derek reaches for hers and laces their fingers together, only to have Derek remove one of his hands and stroke her cheek with his free hand. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, before opening her eyes and looking back at him. "I really am sorry, Derek." She whispers lowly, and Derek nods. "I know, Addie." He whispers back and pulls her body closer to his. "I am too." He finishes and presses his forehead against hers, trailing his finger across her bottom lip. Addison's eyes flutter closed again, before Derek pulls away and looks at her.

Derek doesn't want to spend the next 30 minutes in the lobby of the hospital talking. What the man really wants to do is drink. He needs to drink after the day he had and Addison showing up, unexpectedly at the hospital - ruining his night with Meredith. He bends down to pick his suitcase up and look at her. "I gotta go, Addie. I just remembered I have plans." He replies and buttons his jacket up. Addison's face falls slightly and soon she's plastering her cold persona back on her face, as she watches him prepare to leave the hospital. "With the slutty intern?" She asks sarcastically and rolls her eyes at the very thought of Derek chumming it up with some slutty intern for the night, who had no idea the man she had been sleeping with the past three months or whatever was even married. "No, there's a bar with a few scotches with my name on them, actually." He replies back equally as sarcastic as his wife and her snidey comment. "Oh, great. I think I'll join you then." She replies and slips her hands in her pocket, retrieving her gloves and slipping them on her hands. "Fine.." Derek mutters and waits for her and walks slightly faster than Addison out the doors of Seattle Grace and out into his car, and over to Joe's Bar - not knowing what the rest of the night had in store for him.

_'I've never a love like this, now, I don't know anything at all anymore.'_


End file.
